The date was 12/7/10. I had only been on the program for 9 days, but the craving for chicken broth, steamed cauliflower and olives was more than I could stand anymore. As I stopped at Kroger on my way home I walked up and down the frozen food aisle contemplating the actions I was about to take that would bring me one step closer to breaking the cardinal rule of the first 12 weeks. NO FOOD!!! I picked up some Diet Rite, hoping this detour would help me refrain from giving into my urges, but as I walked out my bag contained the following: one bag of frozen cauliflower, a can of green beans, and no sodium chicken bouillon. As I drove home I told myself that I didn't HAVE to eat any of it. I could save it all for when that 12 week mark hit and I could once again eat real food, but it didn't work.
My mother's voice echoed in my head, "I'm afraid if you do it once you will do it again." I sat for a good 10 minutes before I finally gave in. Just like an addict I relapsed. As the cauliflower cooked in the microwave I boiled water in my teapot for the chicken broth. It was ready quickly and I mixed in the leveled teaspoon of bouillon. This is it. I was going to cheat. I took a small sip, and just as quickly as it entered my mouth, I spit it back into the sink. Yes, folks, the no sodium bouillon had just that.... NO SODIUM!!! Craving 0...... Me 1. I felt a sense of victory!
But without a second thought I pulled the bowl of cauliflower out of the microwave. It smelled just as good as I thought, and the first bite was heaven. (I never thought those words would come out of my mouth about cauliflower!!!) I sat at the computer savoring each and every bite. Soon, however, the heavenly taste was no longer there. As I sat picking at the bowl I knew this was the time to dump the rest out. I had probably eaten about a cup (equal to 25 calories or so) and that was enough. Silly, isn't it, that I'm considering one cup of cauliflower cheating on a diet. That's crazy!!!
Just as I have had the mentality in the past, it came back again. Now that I had cheated I might as well have that green olive I've been craving for the last 9 days too. Although, one turned into two, and before I knew it I had eaten 4!!! I quickly turned on the garbage disposal and dumped the rest down the drain. That'll show em! Now what was I going to tell my Mom!?!
It's funny how I never really felt any guilt. I never regretting the actions I took that night. I feared the disappointment of my mother, but after talking it over with my younger sister I reassured myself that I was going to be OK. That night I wrote on the OPTIFAST wall on Facebook telling everyone what I had done. Surprisingly the responses were positive. The members of this social networking group were from all over. Many from outside of the US. It was interesting to read that many other OPTIFAST programs allow vegetables, some even start with allowing two small meals per day. I think the key here was I shouldn't beat myself up over some cauliflower and olives, at least it wasn't a Snickers or worse.... a donut! Eventually I confessed to my Mom what I had done, and to my amazement she told me she too didn't think it was a big deal, and how funny it was that I cheated with cauliflower. However, we were both in agreement that this is not something I should do again, and that to be successful I must follow the program.
Surprisingly since that time my cravings have disappeared completely! I'm not sure if it was the fulfillment of the craving, the salt content, or the mental part of it, but as I'm nearing the 2 week mark it seems as if the program HAS gotten easier. These 12 days have gone quickly, and I'm hoping that it continues in this same way. I'm even proud to say that I successfully went out to lunch today with the girls. As they sat eating their meals at O'Charleys I nibbled on my meal bar and drank some iced tea with Splenda. It was right then that I realized why I could still enjoy going out to lunch without the added fat.... it was the experience, the laughter, the sharing, and the friends that I enjoyed most. THAT is what life is about. NOT food.
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